We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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