lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize