I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
