either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My penis needs a shock collar
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
