Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
