Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
