people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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