I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
