is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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