Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
