another moral hangover. fuck.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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