return my video game
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
