i permit you to call me
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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