There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Houston, we have a squirter
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
