I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
