Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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