Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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