i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
