if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
