i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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