I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
