my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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