I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
