He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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