dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
