Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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