So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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