She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
