Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
