The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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