If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
