It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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