Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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