THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
