Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
