I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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