your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
