I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Randomize
