The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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