I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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