My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
