i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
