the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
