you win again, gameday.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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