I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
