The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
