checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
