I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
