Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Two words: nipple clamps
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