well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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