You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
