North Korea, Best Korea!
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
