I'm so fucking centered right now
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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