I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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