I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
