your thong is hanging out like whoa
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
