took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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