Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
