He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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