I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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