so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize