I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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