im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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