I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
