your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
