its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Oh god it's open bar.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
