she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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