Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize